During a Sunday I was on vacation, three people who attended General Assembly in Pittsburgh preached at St. Andrew. After I read what Doug Johnson said, I asked him if I could post his words on this blog and he said yes. Here it is.
“My soul cries out with a joyful shout
That the God of my heart is great,
And my spirit sings of the wondrous things
That you bring to the ones who wait.
You fixed your sight on your servant’s plight,
And my weakness you did not spurn,
So from east to west shall my name be blest.
Could the world be about to turn?”
“Canticle of the Turning” by Rory Cooney
Susan asked me if I would say something about how General
Assembly’s work has affected me personally. I have loved the Presbyterian
Church for many years. Most of the churches we attended while I was growing up
were Presbyterian and those memories are largely positive ones of family
fellowship, youth groups and summer camp. It was on a backpacking trip into the
Sierras with our church in Coalinga, CA that I first committed my life to
Christ. As I became aware at age 14 of homosexual feelings it was our summer
youth assistant who was the first person I confided in. He was compassionate,
caring and gave me a scripture passage which reminded me to keep my life holy.
The relief I felt was paramount as I realized that he wasn’t going to condemn
me to hell, but as I’ve reflected on that over the years I realize that he was
also telling me that the feelings I felt were wrong. At the time this did not
bother me as I felt they were wrong, too. I prayed earnestly that God would
heal me of this and yet over the years it became very clear to me that, however
much I prayed and read scripture, those feelings were here to stay.
As I grew older I developed a strong desire and call to be a
minister and all through college this was in the back of my mind as what I’d
like to do. In the 70’s I was involved in a Baptist Church, went to a Christian
and Missionary Alliance College and a Baptist seminary. In each of these places
I got a subtle and not so subtle sense that what I felt within myself was
wrong. In the 80’s and 90’s the religious right made it very plain that what I
experienced as my nature was an abomination. Not just a ritual impurity as that
word means in Leviticus, but something God hates. This kind of rhetoric was one
of the factors that pushed me away from conservative evangelicalism, because as
I got older I began to feel that a just God would not create feelings in
someone which were unchangeable only to damn them for those feelings. I began
to come to an acceptance of myself as I was and I still wanted to serve in the
ordained ministry. About 1978 as the Presbyterian Church began to look at this
subject it seemed more hopeful in the Presbyterian Church than with more
conservative Christians. At least the Presbyterians were willing to study it.
But soon the message came across there as well that gay people should pray and
change.
When I finished at the Baptist seminary with an MA I
rejoined the Presbyterian Church and determined that I would go for ordination.
I entered San Francisco Theological Seminary and met many people, students and
teachers alike, who also believed that gay and lesbian people should be able to
serve in the pastorate. On graduating from SFTS I was ordained and assumed my
first call in a small church in rural Iowa, population 1,400 (the town, not the
church). I sometimes would jokingly say that today a voice crying out in the
wilderness isn’t a prophet. It’s a single person in a rural church. Aside from
the loneliness and isolation of this place, I also had a secret that could
totally discredit me if it came out. More than any place I’d been I learned the
reality of the closet. Sometime in these years a clause had been added in the
Book of Order specifying that ministers were to be faithful in heterosexual
marriage and celibate in singleness. At this juncture I no longer believed
homosexuality to be a sin. I recognized that the biblical passages usually
cited were out of context. But the church and the denomination I served thought
differently and so I served as best I could and feared lest the wrong people
found out I was gay. I moved to Wisconsin and served another church there for
six years. I was able to be a little more open but I still had to be careful.
When I left Wisconsin I did two years of Clinical Pastoral Education at the
Mayo Clinic and stayed with a family who were very accepting. The woman was a
Presbyterian minister and a nurse. Her husband was a musician. They had four
cats. Jane and I together started a Metropolitan Community Church as an outreach
to the gay community in Rochester. Jane was totally straight but I had not
found a better ally. For the first time in Rochester I was able to actually be
out of the closet and it felt great!
When I moved to Montana in 1999 I again went into the closet
because I was unsure how I would be received in a conservative presbytery like
Yellowstone. This came to an end in 2002 when I came out at a presbytery
meeting. At first I was terrified and I felt extremely vulnerable. But
gradually I realized that the people here were not going to throw me out. Over
the years it has felt wonderful to be open about myself. When we discussed
related issues at presbytery it felt good to be able to speak openly and not to
cower in fear. When the PC(USA) removed the fidelity/chastity provision it
passed our presbytery by a very narrow margin. Being asked to serve as a
commissioner at GA was a great honor for me and I was heartened by the amount
of support, both gay and straight that there was at GA. More Light
Presbyterians gave out and blessed rainbow shawls and stoles to show support,
and many, many people were wearing them.
GA passed an authoritative interpretation allowing ministers
in states where it is legal to perform same-sex weddings. This ruling is not
mandatory for those who don’t believe in this. But as our society becomes more
and more open to LGBT people it is good news for me to know that our
denomination can accommodate this change. An amendment will be coming to us
that will seek to define marriage as a union of two people, traditionally a man
and a woman. This wording provides wiggle room to expand, not change the
meaning of marriage. My hope is that we can pass this because living a life and
a ministry single and approaching retirement alone is something I hope won’t
have to be mandatory for others who have a call to ministry. I would like to
recommend two books, both by conservative evangelicals who once opposed gay
acceptance in the church. The first is The
Bible’s YES to Same-Sex Marriage. This is by Mark Achtmeier who taught
theology and ethics at Dubuque Theological Seminary for fifteen years. The
other is by Jack Rogers, Professor of Theology Emeritus at SFTS. His book is
entitled Jesus, the Bible and
Homosexuality, Explode the Myths, Heal the Church.
We did many other great things at GA, but for me personally
the growing openness of the church to these matters is a highlight.
